For the next 12 months, I’m trying something called “The Forgiveness Project” It’s very similar to the brilliant and inspired Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, but instead of happiness this project focuses on forgiveness. Every month for the next year I will pick someone from my life to forgive and work through a variety of steps towards forgiveness. I will be doing extensive research from philosophy, psychology and self-help books (just as Gretchen Rubin did). Because forgiveness is so hard for me I will start with those easiest to forgive and work my way up to those who hurt me more deeply. Beneath is the August form completed in full. One more thing: this project is intensely personal, not just for me but for my friends and family. I am going to change everybody’s name that is involved.
Month: August
Person I Am Working Towards Forgiving: Roberto
Grievance(s): Ten I had been playing Spin the Bottle with some friends at the library including one boy I really liked. I kissed Roberto several times because I was obligated to but I also kissed the boy I liked which made me giddy with happiness. After the game, it got dark and everybody left. It was just Roberto and I on the bench outside the library. I went to sit down not realizing his hand was there and he violated me through my leggings which took me by surprise and also hurt me physically. I was so upset I didn’t even go to the big youth group dance the next day. I pretended I was sick instead. Years later my friend was driving me home and she said he did the same thing to her.
Did they apologize? Not that I remember but it was ten years ago.
Have I tried to forgive them? No, not yet.
How hard would it be to forgive them (out of ten)?4
So between now and the end of the month, I will do some reading on the subject of reading and conduct some steps such as sharing my story with a safe person, and writing a letter of forgiveness. Since several people on my list have violated me sexually, I am reading books mostly geared towards surviving and understanding abuse which is very hard to do. I know this project isn’t as cheerful as the Happiness Project but it’s something I felt I should do for my own good. And that’s an important reason.
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