I was at a party with about ten people, five couples and we got to talking about how we all met each other. And each couple had met through online dating but we all used different sites (Tinder, Bumble, Eharmony, OkCupid etc). When I first brought up the idea of online dating to my parents I was convinced they would flat out ban me from any such thing. After some discussion, they decided I was mature (25 years old) that they would be okay with it. So I put myself out there and met Justin. Here are some tips for finding a catch of your own:
1) Be upfront. You’re either looking for sex or a relationship. Not that the two are mutually exclusive but if you have your heart set on a relationship, you’re only going to be disappointing yourself if you don’t pursue it. There are plenty of people looking for a relationship. You shouldn’t have to compromise your wants, and for a total and often unappreciative person no less. You should state what you want on your profile. Otherwise the fuckboys come calling.
2) Pick your photos. Variety is good. Don’t just post a series of selfies in which the only thing that changes is the color of your lipstick. Post pictures of you doing things: playing with your dog (talking point), parasailing, writing, playing soccer. These are all conversation starters and they tell the other person a lot about you without the use of a single word. Considering the fact that it seems some people don’t even read the profile, that makes the photos all the more important (though do you really want someone who didn’t bother to read the profile?)
3) A Word About Cleavage and Squats: You’re not going to attract guys who are seriously interested in a relationship through cleavage or vantage shots of your behind. They are going to maybe admire for a minute before saying “I don’t want my girlfriend wearing that” and move on to another profile.
4) Writing a bio is actually a lot of fun. Try obscure facts about you (“I got locked in a cemetery when I was 9 years old”) or packing a sentence “I’m an adrenaline junkie poet with a caffeine addiction” Sound flirty but not slutty (there’s a difference between I’d like to hear from you and “Yes I’ll take your sausage into my mouth”)
5) One off-putting thing….Many profiles say things like “swipe left if you don’t smoke/ supported Trump/ are a pedophile” I find that kind of pretentious and rude. I appreciate you are making sure your values align but this sounds a little arrogant. Are all of us who don’t smoke supposed to feel badly we didn’t make the cut? Maybe it’s just me.
6) DTF Brief vocabulary lesson. DTF is a classy way of saying “Down to Fuck”. It’s like the creed of the fuckboy. Really, if you fall into bed with this guy it’s your own damn fault. It’s like a neon sign on his profile.
7) Who Messages First? I almost always strike first. I combed his profile to find something to talk about. I never say “hey” or “what's up” and I don’t respond to them either. I mean put some effort in. Why did you message me? Tell me so I can unmatch you if need be.
8) First Date If you agree to a date, make sure a) it is in public b) people know where you are c) someone has met him to vet him. When I started dating Justin he came to the door to meet my (ex-police inspector) dad who shook hands with him and took down his name. Fortunately, he was not an ax murderer and we had a good time.
9) Date Ideas Because Justin gets a discount for movies so we see a lot of them. But there are many other date ideas. Picnics, poetry slams (he is my biggest fan), game nights with my parents, and of course getting caught in the rain. Other events are concerts, mini golf, bowling (you’re never too cool for bowling), and ice skating.
10) Second date? Online dates are a gamble. You have no idea what the person might look like in real life. They might have bad breath or missing teeth. They might grab your ass when you are going into a store. If the date is going so badly pretend to step outside to take a call, then really call a friend to rescue you. You’ll probably be unmatched by the time you get home.
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