I come for the commercials and the snacks and my cousins. But I do watch the game. That first half was like a slaughterhouse. I felt bad for Patrick Mahones even though my dad did remind me he got $5 million a sack. There was a desperate grasp for a comeback (there was the guy who skidded on his face into the end zone) but the game wasn’t even close and frankly a disappointment although when I saw all the excited faces of the Eagles I felt happy for them. I only hope the loyal fans of Philly haven’t destroyed the city the way the Dodgers did after their World Series victory. And can we take a moment to talk about the halftime show? Just a minute, cuz that’s all I’m wasting on it. It was maybe the worst we ever had. Maybe it’s my fault because I don’t listen to the radio but I didn’t recognize any of the songs. But most disappointing was the commercials. Yes, my Superbowl ads have let me down (though far from the first time).
The biggest crime was that I didn’t know half the stuff the ads were for. This could be my fault and probably is. I liked guessing what they were for but I never found out. So let’s take a look at the more notable commercials of the night. For better or for worse.
Commercial: Doritos
Yay or Nay: Most definitely a yay. Doritos has had a successful track record when it comes to Superbowl ads and they didn’t let us down this year. A man is munching on an open bag of Doritos in what looks like a bunker. Suddenly the beams of a UFO zero in on the bag and it starts floating towards the window. The man munching on them seizes them but he is no match for the aliens who succeed in stealing the bag only to explode a minute later in an amusing segment. Everyone was laughing. Doritos has done it again.
Commercial: Pringles
Yay or Nay: Okay, I guess this could be cute or quirky but frankly I just found it bizarre so nay. A guy stumbles upon an empty Pringles container and blows into it which somehow summons all the mustaches that hear the call. Like literally mustaches are just ripped from people’s faces, all races and sizes and ages. And they get attached to the Pringles containers who are now flying above the clouds. I don’t get how this is supposed to advertise for Pringles. It doesn’t make them seem very appetizing. Now I’m thinking of facial hair, not delicious chips.
Commercial: Patriotic Ad (starring Brad Pitt)
Yay or Nay: Yay. I feel like alot of people like to shit on our country especially now that Donald Trump is president (he was the first president to attend a Super Bowl by the way) but this (albeit a bit lengthy ad) was narrated by Brad Pitt and illustrated some of the nation’s biggest moments from the signing of the Declaration of Independence to landing on the moon. I thought it was a very good way to kick off the game (get it?).
Commercial: Mountain Dew
Yay or Nay: Singing seals on a rock? Could be cool. If they weren’t singing “Kiss from a Lime” (aka “Kiss From a Rose”) which Seal admits he can’t even hold in his flippers. I’m giving this a hard nay. The lyrics seemed force, nothing seemed to make any damn sense (which the actors in the ad admitted several times) and it just felt like a waste of my time. I wonder who came up with this because I feel like they put little to no thought to the ad that was going to air for millions of dollars. Hard nay.
Commercial: Bud Light
Yay or Nay: Yay. Several famous faces (including Peyton Manning) appear in this 60 second ad about a house in a cul de sac throwing a wild party with the help of Bud Light of course. If only suburban life was a little more like that.
Commercial: Coffee Mate
Yay or Nay: Nay. It breaks my heart to do this to Coffee Mate because it’s so damn delicious and smells like cookies. But this ad was weird and not in a cool way. A guy licks some Coffee Mate off his lips and suddenly his tongue is out of his mouth and dancing and there are fireworks. Have you ever seen a giant tongue dancing? No? Good You don’t need to.
Commercial: Budweiser
Yay or Nay: Clydesdale makes its yearly appearance. Of course its a frickin yay. Although sometimes I forgot that Bud Light and Budweiser are not the same beer. This is what happens when you get sober. Anyway this moving ad is about a horse who is told he is too small to join the rest of the horses to transport the Budweiser which are kept in barrels. And when the horse sees a barrel has been left behind, he takes it upon himself to bring to the others. Beer for my horses indeed.
Commercial: Hexclad
Yay or Nay: Nay. I understand what Hexclad (a type of pan) was trying to do when it brought in Gordon Ramsey. But merging it with aliens confused me a little and detracted from the desired focus of the commercial. Also what’s with all the extratresterial themes this year?
Commercial: Instacart
Yay or Nay: Okay this was one of my personal favorites which is why its appearing here. Brief but enjoyable, all the favorites of Instacart (Cheetos, Kool Aid Man, Old Spice guy on a horse) arre hustling to the house where the groceries have been ordered. Maybe it’s only because I do Instacart deliveries but this ad just made it look so fun.
Comments