Shopping with Mom

I have already covered what it is like to go shopping. It’s an adventure and a misadventure all at the same time. But its a whole new ball game when your mom joins in. Here are some tips to make that occasion go more smoothly.

1. Wear heels. You’re going to be doing alot of walking because if your mom is anything like my mom she gets distracted by a cute lamp or a throw pillow and the trip will be derailed several times. Your mom’s like a teenage girl with shiny objects. So wear heels to build up stamina.

2. Have a purpose. Remember how I said mothers tend to get distracted (especially by words like “sale”)? A mission will help keep you on target. You are a machine. “”Leigh isn’t this cute?” “Leigh wow so adorable!” “Leigh it’s only $9.99” “Bathing suits, Mom. Bathing suits” Rinse and repeat.

3. Treat every compliment (and backhanded compliment) like it’s a mortal wound. “You know Leigh I think that bodysuit might be too tight especially around the stomach area” “Wow! So you’re saying I’m fat. Thanks Mom. Way to make me feel like shit” “Leigh maybe bright orange is not your color” “So you’re saying I’m ugly. Thanks alot!” 

4. Say yes to everything your mom suggests to expedite this foray into fashion. “Leigh wouldn’t this cardigan look delightful with your red dress” “Leigh why don’t we get five  more pairs of jeans in case you lose four in the apocalypse?”  “Leigh bell bottoms are coming back!”

5. Command your mom’s attention when you are in line to pay. This is when stores really bring out all the stops and place their mishmash of merchandise. If you aren’t careful your mom could end up with a basket of things you don’t need. But hey isn’t that the definition of shopping?