Self Truths, Good Friday and a Burgeoning Business

I’d like to begin this entry with some self-validating truths. Note: These are not originally mine. I found them on Instagram under the heading Mental Health Matters. Please give them all the credit.

1. “You deserve to take up space as much as you make space for others” Sometimes we are tempted to shrink ourselves down to make space for other people.  Don’t. Expand your talents, your opinions, your features. Don’t hide behind this notion that you are not worthy or to yield to someone “better” or someone who has more space. You deserve it too. 

2. “It is completely okay to say “np”- even if someone else doesn’t like it”When you are a woman, you find yourself saying “No” alot, usually followed by a “sorry” We don’t need to say sorry. No, I won’t give you a blowjob. No, I won’t chair the PTA even though I have three kids in three different schools. No, I’m not going clubbing after a week of work and a touch of pneumonia.

3. “Your feelings don’t have to make sense in order to be valid”. Recently, (probably because it happened around this time) I’ve been missing my friend Ryan. Ryan and I were actually more than that which was thrilling because he was good looking, sarcastic and wanted to be a police officer like my own dad. Ryan committed suicide in our junior year which was a brutal shock. It’s been  over five years and sometimes I still feel sad a about it, that the world lost such a wonderful person.

4. “You don’t  have to be sorry for having a hard time” After me and one of my abusive exes broke up, I was kind of a wreck. I would cry alot at poetry slams, at parties, when I was out to dinner. I was grieving, not the relationship but the suffering he  put me through. My friends were great about it. Im lucky. 

5. “Your right to rest has nothing to do with how “productive” you are”. I push myself. Hard.I spend all day on my writing. Or reading. Or crafting. When you have an autoimmune disease or something like long- haul Co-vid sometimes you got to rest. And you don’t have to feel guilty,

6. “Who you are at this very moment- not who you were or want to be- is enough” I’m very happy with who I am. Sure, I’m not perfect and there are things I want to change. But it’s important to love yourself. And that’s what I do. 

Today is Good Friday. My father and I did what has become tradition, visiting three different churches and praying in each one. I tried to categorize my prayers (“Oh I’ll ask forgiveness here, I’ll pray for this family here”) but it all turned into three different stream of consciousness. I don’t write enough here about my faith but there is something about an empty church that let’s you know God is listening.

I’ve also been exploring the idea of selling some of my crafts. I have poetry collages with quotes from my poems.I have regular collages. I have altered tarot cards. I thought about setting up a shop on Etsy but my parents thought I should try street fairs first. So I checked on a nearby street fair. It’s a $165 per booth. I could go broke trying to get rich.