When I was a teenager, I endured alot, mostly due to an undiagnosed bipolar disorder and several other anxiety disorders which I’ve been taking meds for since I was eleven. I suffered bullying so severe I had to switch schools. I was sexually assaulted and further sexually abused. I was betrayed by several girls at my new school which made it very hard to trust. All this time people told me “These are the best years of your life” or “It gets better” So which was it? I pegged my money on “It gets better” because sometimes it felt like it couldn’t get worse. And college (even though I was hospitalized a handful of times) sure beat high school. I met the kind of friends you only dream of. Took classes that were actually interesting. (Almost) everyone was friendly. I even was able to give up alcohol. But college presented problems of its own. I had a backstabbing roommate and I began to suffer from psychosis. It wasn’t easy to pretend everything was okay and eventually I just couldn’t do it anymore. But was it better than high school? Oh hell yes. And now? My life is so full I don’t think it could accommodate any more happiness. Of course it’s not perfect. But it’s better. It got better.
Age: 15
Friends: I had made friends with this girl. Lets call her Anna. Anna had a crush on my “boyfriend” so she went after him, all the while saying things about me behind my back and then sending me an email from her and the rest of our friends about how annoying I was and how no one wanted to be my friend.
Romance: I had been taken advantage of by an older man that I met online. I was so miserable and lonely he almost convinced me to run away from my family and friends and live with him. This could very well be a completely different story.
Academic and work life: I was a freshmen in high school. I managed to get good grades despite all the turmoil going on in my life.
Physical health: I was in good physical health
Mental health: I was a train wreck. I was recovering from self- harm which is something I struggled through most of my teens.
Spiritual Life: I wrote letters to God, probably more out of desperation than faith. Honestly this belief that something bigger than myself existed probably saved my life.
Sense of purpose: I knew I had one. I just didn’t know what.
Age: 21
Friends: I had so many great friends, especially my best friend Alice. I was aware that Alice’s roommate (who had orchestrated the whole thing so Alice and I couldn’t share a room) didn’t like me and I had seen screenshots when she had called me a whore and ugly. However, at this point it didn’t bother me like it might have in high school.
Romance: I had just embarked on a relationship which was red from so many flags but at the time it kept me happy.
Academic and work life: I was neglecting my schoolwork as I became manic. I had always gotten straight As, made flashcards for every subject, read chapters ahead, took notes. I started putting off my schoolwork. If I was at school long enough I’d probably fail the semester.
Physical health: I was in good health
Mental health: This is the sickest I had ever been in my life. I was sleeping around, cutting myself, lying to anyone who asked if I was okay. I was hearing voices and finally I tried to kill myself.
Spiritual Life: I had completely abandoned God (NOT the other way around)
Sense of Purpose: I didn’t have one
Age: 28 (current age)
Friends: I have a posse of friends. Some, like Alice, are leftover from college. Some are from poetry and writing groups. I trust these guys with everything and so far no one’s called me a whore!
Romance: I’ve been with the same guy for a little over two and half years. I have alot of faith of him and our future together.
Academic and work life: I am currently training to be a peer specialist so I can help others with mental illness.
Physical health: I’ve been having serious stomach problems. We are expecting some test results this week so I‘ll know more then.
Mental health: I will always have OCD and bipolar one but I really have learned coping mechanisms and warning signs so we can raise my medication before I get manic.
Spiritual Life: I’m grateful for this life God gave me which I would never trade for another. I don’t know if all my prayers paid off or God is just generous but thank you.
Purpose: To help others, to serve God, to love myself
Does this mean that itll just keep getting better and better? Of course not. Every year brings its own harvest of heartache as well as a bounty of joy. The older you get, the more capable you are of handling it. And that is why it does get better.
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