I've been better since my release from the hospital. I am still manic which is exhausting because I am constantly writing and never sleeping. I'm working on two books simultaneously (three if you count my poetry). One of the books I started is called Lessons in Love and Cynicism which explores my past relationships (and there are quite a few of them) as well as my struggles with mental illness using prompts I found on Instagram. I have to fit the prompts to the best of my ability. Here are my first attempts. Warning: these are raw and they are also uncensored. This is my blog and I say what I think. Content might get graphic.
Prompt: “I’m a normal person”. I’m a normal person. I just take twenty pills a day because I don’t like to discriminate against antianxiety or antidepressants or mood stabilizers or antipsychotics. I just take twenty pills….but I’m normal. I’m not fucked up at all from crippling bipolar disorder or OCD that laces me up like a straitjacket making it impossible for the slightest bit of air to escape. I’m normal, I just put up with far too much for far too long because I was afraid he’d hurt himself the way he hurt me. And I loved my rapist too much to let it happen. Totally normal.
Prompt: Attracted to your demeanor. I was immediately drawn to his shy nature, the way he tripped over his feet to assist me, the chemistry that was so obvious between us that it fueled a two and a half year relationship. I was attracted to you. Can I say I loved you? Can you say you treated me well? Would these statements make liars out of both of us? I was attracted to your demeanor. I was broken by your character.
Prompt: I thought I saw you at the grocery store smelling tangerines. I thought I saw you at the grocery store smelling tangerines. And I felt like simultaneously running and walking up to you and asking if you were lost. But I’m too splintered to speak to you again. My soul can’t handle it. Anyway why would you be smelling tangerines in my grocery store. I left you and I have no expectations of seeing you…ever again.
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