For those of you who don’t know what my plan is, I plan on working insanely hard at 2-3 ways of earning money (freelance writer, facilitating writing groups and being a peer specialist) so I can earn enough money to even think about moving out. This is still a long way away because I don’t really think I’m mature enough to live on my own yet. My parents still do alot for me although I am slowly stepping up and taking on more responsibility. This means going out to eat less to save money, not buying journals I don’t need, and learning more about how the world around me works. It means filling out paperwork and invoices, pushing myself without stressing myself out but also reminding myself that a little stress can be a good thing.
My parents tend to be a bit protective and I understand why. I was an absolute idiot as a teen. I had a drinking problem that I hid very well until I was in college. I lied a lot about my boyfriends- how old they were, their jobs, if they did drugs (about half). My OCD had always made me tough and fragile at the same time and then came the bipolar diagnosis which threw our whole family. My parents really work at making sure I don’t get manic. Of course you can’t just stop someone from getting manic. It is kind of like working to make sure someone else doesn’t get a pimple but there are preventative measures like taking meds (guys please please please take your meds) and having a consistent sleep schedule (fuck with your sleep and you are tempting fate).
Anyway, I don’t know if it was fear that had stopped me but for the longest time I let myself languish in the land of unemployment. But if I am going to move in with the man I love I need to pay my share of the rent. And probably utilities and groceries too. I don’t want to be a burden. Besides I enjoy psychology and writing so at this stage in the game, I’m enjoying learning and taking baby steps towards a life with Justin. Or at least a life where I won’t let fear stop me.
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