How to Be Alone but Not Lonely in a New Apartment
Congrats! You’re an adult. And you’re living on your own. Like not a college dorm. Literally on your own with a lease and everything. And no roommates. At first, that might seem like a good thing (no more pressing your pillow against your eardrums when her boyfriend is over). But after a while, it can get...well, lonely. Not everyone is meant to live alone. But before you throw in the towel here are some things to try to make an apartment seem more like a home.
1) My first piece of advice is to splurge. On something fun. Something your bedroom has never had before. See, if I ever got a room (a roomier room) I would get a bean bag chair right away. You could get a fuzzy throw rug or a body pillow or arrange fairy lights around the bedroom mirror. Maybe you’ll even get to have a full-length mirror!
2) Display photos of friends and family. Remember they are just phone calls away. Pick out some furniture so they have some place to sleep when they come to visit. Display cards and drawings until your wall is covered with memories and people you love.
3) Develop a library. Clear some shelf space so you can keep your books on display. Make sure you have books for all occasions from the Harry Potter series to The Glass Castle (seriously I boost this book wherever I go).
4) Throw a housewarming party. When the last box leaves that door, start sending out the texts. It’s going down and it’s going down at your new place. Ask them to make it a potluck (everyone brings a dish of their own). Make sure not everybody is bringing dessert. This is crucial in a party.
5) Make a routine. I did this in the hospital. Knowing what exactly the day brings makes it easier to face it. Take a whiteboard and copy this down: what time do you rise, shower, work, get home, have dinner, plans with friends? Maybe select one day a week for friends to come over for an intimate gathering. Maybe you give each other manicures. Maybe you do tarot. One day a week can make a place not feel so lonely.
6) Take on a project. I’m not talking about repairing that leaky pipe under the sink (although that is something you should take of), I’m talking about a special project. Rewallpapering the bathroom with rubber duckies. Hang framed photos of magazines you’ve been published in. Something that will make you smile even at the end of a long day.
7) Even though quality time at home is important, to cuddle up and watch some Netflix,
getting out of the house is a good idea. Even a walk around the block would be useful and it would familiarize yourself with the neighborhood which would enable you to feel more at home.
8) It’s a good idea to make friends with the neighbors. Traditionally, neighbors are supposed to welcome you to the neighborhood, but you can flip that and bring them some goodies with a bow on it. If they aren’t particularly friendly to you don’t take it personally. It might take a while for them to warm to strangers.
9) There are several reasons to break your lease. I am not a lawyer so these may or may not be legal reasons to break your lease. But these are some reasons you may want to break your list: an infestation (any type of infestation, rats, cockroaches, and omg God forbid crickets would be enough to send me screaming to the door), aggressive neighbors (I’m not talking about annoying neighbors who play music at all hours and practice scream therapy at six am. But intimidating neighbors who could be involved in drugs (trust me you don’t want a crystal meth lab next door. And you don’t want one of these men cornering you in a darkened hallway) or a landlord that never takes care of anything (that leaky pipe is still dripping).
10) If you have to abandon ship, you might feel a bit defeated, returning home to your parents or living with a roommate. “Maybe I’m not independent enough. Maybe I’m not strong enough” You didn’t fail. You tried once. It didn’t work out. You tried twice. It didn’t work out. We don’t become adults overnight. We are not our failures. Our failures don’t define us. Take a breather. Someday you’ll try again.
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