Forget your phone
94% of Americans have cell phones which we check, on average, 150 times today. Fingers fly across the keyboard as we send “one last text” and then we will put the phone down. But then we hear the ping of the reply and race across the room to be united with our phones again. I have a bad habit of checking my phone, particularly at the beginning of a relationship. I actually get a little neurotic about it, staring at the phone as though willing him to text me. Others post faces full of makeup on Instagram or updates on Facebook about how hard law school is and then wait for responses. The problem is cell phones and social media have detracted from our lives rather than contribute to them. I know it's pretty hard to leave your phone in the next room so here are several ways you can maybe resist the siren call.
1) Play a game. Preferably a physical one. It’s hard to check your notifications when you are playing capture the flag with your cousins. Or an intense game of Monopoly, which is so gripping, how could you possibly be distracted by anything else? Your attention is demanded during games which is why it's harder to think about who is or isn’t texting you.
2) Engage your mind. There are several ways you can keep your mind sharp and unfortunately scrolling through prom dresses isn’t one of them. Try doing sudoku or crosswords (I have never finished a crossword puzzle. My brother’s girlfriend has so I know it's possible).
3) Take a class. If we have the time to check our phones 150 times a day, we have time to take a class. Preferably in an area of interest and preferably one that will be challenging and demand your attention. Get yourself a journal and track your progress. Also, it's pretty rude to take your phone out and start texting while the instructor is teaching.
4) Designate some “no phone time” For me, it’s not until I have got up, taken my shower, had my coffee, and written three pages. Meals are also “no phone time” and so is church. Take advantage of these quiet moments. You might hear or learn something you wouldn’t get from a phone.
5) Get more face-to-face time. Texting is all very well and good (particularly if the person is in Australia or the world gets hit by a global pandemic) but nothing can replace human interaction and face-to-face contact. You don’t have to go all out and throw a party (which will take a lot of texting and messaging from scheduling to RSVPs) but maybe meeting a friend for coffee one morning would be more enjoyable than both sipping coffee in your separate kitchens.
6) Take one conversation at a time. I’m on Twitter and I have five Facebook chats open. With every notification, my smile gets broader. People want to talk to me. But how much attention can I possibly give 5-6 people? Oh, sure I can answer texts perfunctorily (ex. “Sorry I’m busy tonight) but if a friend (or more than one) is pouring their heart out to you, you might not be able to be your best self. In fact, they might be crying as they text. And you’re distracted and can’t comfort them.
7) Adjust your newsfeed. Try (and this will be hard) to adjust your Facebook so that only ten people are on your newsfeed. That’s right. Ten. You might fall behind on the gossip, but you’ll be sparing yourself news about people you really don’t care about or don’t want to see (including exes and their new girlfriends).
8) Take a good look at your Instagram. What kind of photos do you post? I’m embarrassed but the first to admit the majority of my “gram” pictures are selfies. Me in different clothes, in different earrings wearing the exact same facial expression, getting the same amount of likes, and expecting nothing else. Okay, so people know I have a Harry Potter scarf now. That’s the most interesting thing on my Instagram. What if I tried to get pictures of nature? Or my cats? Or a candid shot of my dad at the piano? They might not be any more spellbinding but at least it's some variety. And I don’t look like a narcissist.
9) Turn off notifications. When I’m having a serious discussion with someone, notifications are the bane of my existence. Especially if someone pulls their phone out to check it. Look, emergencies happened. There are always extenuating circumstances. But one weak “lol” is not worth putting a conversation on hold for. Not to mention if you’re engaged in artistic flow, (creating something with momentum) it can grind the whole thing to a halt and you might never get it back.
10) Try being in as few group chats as possible. If you are part of a team, group texts are a handy way to coordinate meetings and share news. But if you and your five besties that you see every day at school have a constant group chat, it can get ridiculous especially if you multiply that by two or three. What is so important that they can’t tell you personally? Besides, you have to watch what you say in a group chat. And it's also a great vehicle that can lead to harmful gossip and cyberbullying.
I’m not saying phones are bad. I’m just saying keep your phone in your pocket when you shake someone’s hand. The person in front of you may grow to mean more to you than the metal in your pocket.
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