Song: My Head and My Heart by Ava Max
Lyrics: My head and my heart are torturing me, yeah 'Cause my mind, and your arms, I go to extremes, yeah When angels tell me run, and monsters call it love, oh My head and my heart are caught in-between, yeah
Why I Chose It: I know this song is about love (bad love) but I always thought of it as mental illness. Hope’s mind “tortures” her on an ongoing basis- poisoning her with thoughts about her friends and herself, allowing her to hear voices that tell her to kill herself. “Caught in between” the will to live and the desire to die and end the pain once and for all.
2) Song: Snuff by Slipknot
Lyrics: You couldn't hate enough to love Is that supposed to be enough? I only wish you weren't my friend Then I could hurt you in the end
Why I Chose It: This song reminds me of the day after Hope and Derrick’s fight (spoiler alert) when she is wandering around campus eating Mac and Cheese and Oreos. She feels fury at him but also just wants him back. She knows if he apologizes she’d take him back in a heartbeat.
3) Song: Dangerous by Shinedown
Lyrics: I could stand behind my barricade Do what I'm told and be afraid to change While isolated by the mainstream With the current up against me
Why I Chose It: This song is about overcoming obstacles that life throws in your way. Hope sometimes listens to it on the hospital ipads when she needs a boost of morale. She also listens while to it charging to and from classes (Hope ALWAYS listens to music in between classes. It makes her feel like her life is an epic movie instead of a helpless struggle).
4) Song: If You Only Knew by Shinedown
Lyrics: The only thing that I still believe in is you Believe in is you Because I still believe Oh, if you, if you only knew
Why I Chose It: Hope has a dream where she is lying on a bed at her family’s motel at Cape Cod. There is a knock on the glass sliding door. It is Derrick and he is crying. Hope gets up and opens the door. She is crying too. She knows she is not supposed to go near him. He kisses her. For the first time, Hope realizes on some level, she was in love with Derrick.
5) Song: Chandelier by Sia
Lyrics: Help me, I'm holding on for dear life Won't look down, won't open my eyes Keep my glass full until morning light 'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Why I Chose It: At the beginning of the memoir, Hope has a problem with alcohol. She believes it will solve her emptiness and depression. What she is doing is called ‘self-medicating’.
Like the list? The Story of Hope playlist is kind of long so there should be a part two coming soon.
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