Building is one of my favorite aspects of DBT (dialetical behavioral therapy) along with radical acceptance (which is really hard) and self-soothing. DBT was developed by Marsha Lenihan namely for borderline personality disorder but it’s really useful even if you aren’t mentally ill. After all, who doesn’t want to be good at something? Who doesn’t want to feel a glow of pride as they accomplish something else, climb another ring on the ladder? Here are some ways you can start building mastery in your life right now:
Learn a new language
Aside from merely being extremely useful (and marketable), its actually quite fun to quiz yourself with index cards (I have an affinity for index cards). My mother and brother are both good role models for me; they are studying to learn Spanish and have taught themselves quite a lot. I always have to be different so I chose to learn sign language. I don’t really know why because my fingers are clumsy now especially with the medication but it appealed to me. I started studying in August. It’s March and now I can speak in slow sentences. “What is your name?” “Hello, can you please pass me the cake?” “I need to go to the hospital” And (most importantly) “where is the bathroom?” I could conceivably hold a conversation with a slow and patient speaker but my fingers always get nervous and flubby. Still when I get those index cards right or show off a new sign I feel that mastery.
Learn a new craft
There are endless crafts you can choose. I have several I do. My main one right now is knitting. I’m about to complete my first project which is a hat. It was originally for my baby cousin Lucas but actually I kind of just kept going with it so It’s going to fit me instead. Hey, its a pretty shade of baby blue. I’ll take it. I’ve also been working on that since August. I started crocheting/ knitting classes at the library and progressed slowly but steadily. I owe it all to my instructor Arlene.
Take a class, even if it’s at something you are already good at
I have been told that writing is something I am good that. That made me want to get better at it so during Co-vid I took some online writing classes to really challenge myself. I signed up for a class with one of my favorite writers, Jennifer Close. I had read her books when I was in the hospital and they really entertained and comforted me. She was also a masterful teacher offering helpful advice on my memoir.
Read more challenging books
It is refreshing to return to the comforting stories of our childhoods now and then. I enjoy them too. Winnie the Pooh (obviously) and Harry Potter are two of my favorite stories. But I also like challenging my mind, especially with short stories. Right now I’m in the middle of The (Other) You by Joyce Carol Oates. Joyce Carol Oates is a master of short stories. I don’t understand half of them but they are enjoyable nonetheless. Sometimes her themes are above me but when they land I am very proud of myself.
Challenge your brain through brainteasers and crosswords
Wordle and the NYT crossword puzzles are bringing these back. There is an excellent puzzle and game shop in Provincetown, Massachusetts called Puzzle Me This and I got a gigantic book of all sorts of brainteasers. It quizzes you on everything from presidents to cheese. I was good at presidents. Maybe not the cheese.
Go outside your comfort zone
For my birthday I asked for a kit so you could build a mini bookcase. This did not pan out. Even though Justin tried helping me with the gluing and holding the glue together and not getting it in your eyebrows (this happened once). So the bookstore is disassembled on my studio floor (but my friend did manage to complete a kit on her own. Except the electrical and that is understandable). So this didn’t really succeed. But it was fun to try.
Learn a new instrument
I was taught to play piano when I was four. That was a testament to my dad not me, by the way. I had no choice and I was difficult and alot of days I didn’t want to practice. But it is over twenty years later and my brother and I both still play by choice. The lessons certainly didn’t go to waste. I love playing and singing even if my voice isn’t what it used to be. And don’t believe that bullshit that you might be “too old” to learn an instrument. Music can bring you so much joy and it’s such a good feeling when you feel yourself getting better.
Improve your physical health
Taking care of yourself is important. When I tried losing weight (I was successful but then I gained a significant amount back) I was so proud of myself every time I got on the scale. When I could fit into my old clothes I felt beautiful. I’m not saying being heavy means you aren’t beautiful. But I was unhealthy to the point it complicated my health. I became prediabetic. I got winded climbing stairs. I couldn’t even walk around a pond without having to sit down which frankly I found downright humiliating. When I started working out I began to build up my stamina and washing my sweat off in the shower I was pleased.
Write poetry
Try it. You may not like it. You may struggle with it. You may suck at it. But it’s a great way to express yourself so I have to suggest it.
Build some mastery. Isn’t it so great to feel good about yourself?
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