I’ve struggled with bad habits since I was eleven years old. I can pinpoint the exact year it got worse because that was the year I was diagnosed with OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). My compulsions (lock the door three times, check six times to make sure the stove is off, making sure my journals are arranged in the correct order) stem from a chemical imbalance. But they are also habits. Bad habits. The more I give in, the stronger my OCD gets until it is unmanageable. So in the fourteen years since my diagnosis, I’ve had a fair bit of experience fighting bad habits.
You may not have OCD, but everyone has a habit that they can eliminate to be a better person. As a self-help addict, I’ve read many books and some tips will be more helpful or applicable than others. I also recommend the book Better Than Before written by Gretchen Rubin, author of the bestselling book The Happiness Project. She really goes in-depth about rewards, goals, and sticking to your resolve. If you are serious about changing your habits, that’s your book right there. And in case you need any more tips just look below:
1) Identify the bad habit as specifically as possible. Maybe the problem isn’t the caffeine. Maybe it’s the fact that you take that shot of espresso an hour before bedtime. Maybe the problem isn’t that you text the guy first. Maybe it’s the fact that you text five times before he even opens his eyes. Once you circled the problem, you can proceed.
2) What service is this habit fulfilling? In other words, why are you doing it? Do you drink too much caffeine because you worry you won’t be as productive without it? Do you spam text because you worry you’ll end up forgotten in a little black book? Is there another way you can fulfill this need? For example, if you worry you won’t be as productive try something else like being organized. Write up all your tasks for the day. Delegate as many as you can. Stay off social media and only respond to necessary emails. Are you still productive? Caffeine can get the job done but so can time management.
3) It isn’t bad to offer incentives. I am trying to lose weight (my habit: snacking) and every time I sneakily reach my hand into that Honey Nut Cheerios Box I try to remind myself: 150. That is my target weight. I’ve currently plateaued at 160. The Cheerios probably don’t help. But I made a promise to myself that I will buy myself an entirely new wardrobe (well as much as I can afford to) that fits my new body. An incentive should be related to the goal. All that money you saved on caffeine could probably go somewhere else. And if that guy never gets back to you, it’s time to call a girl’s night out! (Or in).
4) Hold yourself accountable. Habits like numbers. There are plenty of journals that explicitly offer places you can track your habits from how much water you drank to how much alcohol you drank. When you look at the numbers you can see patterns. “Wow, I only drink when my sister-in-law is in town” and “I shop after a fight with my husband” Not all patterns are clear cut, but some are and it’s worth noting.
5) Baby steps. There are people who go cold turkey. That was me with alcohol. I quit heavy drinking during my freshmen year in college. It was something I craved at the following two or three parties. But eventually, I became very comfortable around alcohol, going to bars and doing “shots” (of water or juice). But for some reason, I cannot kick the energy drinks. I have for several months at a time. But usually, I’m out with a friend and I’m feeling sluggish, and I see a 7-11 or convenience store and the siren of energy is too strong. I emerge, Monster in hand. But I have been able to cut down. My average is two or three Red Bulls at every poetry slam. But at the last one, I stuck to one. One Red Bull. You have no idea how much willpower that took.
6) Substitute one habit for another. You have a trashy reality TV addiction, and you watch women that are way too tan bitch at each other while showing cleavage and gaudy jewelry. I won’t pass judgment on you but maybe you want to give it up. It might be easier if you were doing something else instead like reading. There are plenty of books that have four times the amount of drama on TV. Next time you go to the library go to the new books. You’ll probably find at least one book as tasteless as your TV show, but you’ll feel more cultured.
7) Delay. This is the primary strategy I use with my OCD. Check on that journal. I didn’t see it in the box before. Oh my God what if it’s not in the box?. Oh my God it’s got some of my best poems in it. Oh my God I’ll never write another poem. Oh my God I need to find it now. And I dash off to my room where my book is lying exactly where I left it. But what if I delayed? What if I took a deep breath and said Ssssh I’ll check in fifteen minutes. By the time 15 minutes rolls around, you might be able to talk down to the OCD (an exercise in and of itself) or better yet, forget about it entirely.
8) Remove your access to it. If a guy wants to stop smoking, he shouldn’t leave half-empty packs lying around the house. He shouldn’t have access to a lighter. He should try to cleanse himself and his house from the smell of cigarettes. When I first gave up alcohol, it was easy because it wasn’t like I kept it in my fridge. I was underage, I couldn’t buy the stuff and all my friends knew about my medical problems and made sure I couldn’t have access to alcohol. I could have resented it but honestly, I appreciated it. If you want to stop watching so much porn cancel your channel or webcams. If you like grabbing a donut on your way to work, try going another way. If you are determined enough, you can put distance between you and your bad habit. And it helps.
9) Get support. I’m not a member of AA but I am a member of Weight Watchers. I don’t know the name of a single person in the room, but I feel understood, I feel buoyed and I feel inspired. My friends don’t really understand my OCD urges but my mom has read many books on the subject. I sneak upstairs and she’ll call after me “Are you checking?” It’s like she has a radar or something. Sometimes I do get resentful. It’s just one check, Jesus. But she is right. Feeding into my OCD or any habit does more damage than you know.
10) Cut out the toxic people. Just as you have a support team you should also have a “run away as fast as you can” team. For example, when my ex was trying to quit smoking our mutual friend was always offering him cigarettes even though she knew what he was trying to do. My ex and I realized she did not want to be the only one smoking and she would feel less bad about this habit if another friend was doing it too. This didn’t mean she was a bad person (she probably wasn’t doing it consciously) but she was getting in the way of eliminating a (deadly) habit.
Like I said if you want more information about bad habits, I strongly recommend Gretchen Rubin’s book. So, what are you waiting for? Get a journal and break some habits!
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