7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey
One Christmas I was at my aunt’s house, and I was browsing her bookshelf. I found this book, settled into an armchair and the rest is history. I was eleven years old. This book is based off of the book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People written for adults by the author’s father . For an eleven-year-old (or anyone in general who likes quotes, cartoons, nd solid advice) this is the perfect book, and helped get me through many tough times in my teen years.
Habit One: Be Proactive (not reactive): I really used this lesson a lot during eighth grade because I had reactive tendencies. My principal blamed me for the bullying I was dealt with daily, openly calling me a “drama queen” and “a troublemaker”. In hindsight, I brought a lot of my problems on myself. I dressed provocatively and mostly for attention. Then, I complained when I got negative attention. However, in other ways, I was proactive. I took the entrance exam for a private Catholic all-girls school where I was able to attend without being bullied. I took the initiative to visit different youth groups during homeschooling so I could make friends even though I was alone all day. I did the same thing when I took medical leave from college. I went on Meetup.com and started showing up for events from ultimate frisbee to open mics to poetry slams (which is how I met some of my best friends).
Habit Two: Begin with the End in Mind: This basically means you want a mission statement or some map of where you are going. God forbid, you be a plastic bag drifting through the wind wanting to start again (cue Katy Perry). In high school, this meant planning for college. 100% of my high school’s students went on to college. Now, college is not for everyone. I would know. I dropped out. But anyway, college was drilled into our heads starting early sophomore year. College fairs occurred several times a year as did trips to multiple colleges. Luckily, I pinpointed which college would serve as a home for me early on and I have never regretted it (a scholarship didn’t hurt).
First Things First: This one is (hopefully) self-explanatory. It is all about time management and priorities. The ace in my hole is that I have always been good with time management (if I do say so myself. I’m just good at juggling multiple things. What can I say?). Let's say there are four quadrants. Important and urgent (which you must do, like take someone to the hospital), important but not urgent (which you plan on doing like an end-of-semester assignment), not important but urgent (which you find a way to delegate. For example making dinner. If you have a lot of work to do that night maybe your spouse will pick up the slack tonight), and not important and not urgent (which you should eliminate. Like the meeting for a club you don’t really want to be in).
Think Win-Win: There are several ways of thinking. Lose-Win (In which they lose and I win. This can lead to resentment and broken relationships), Win-Lose (they win and I lose), Lose-Lose (nobody wins because we are just too immature/ stubborn to reach a compromise) or (ideally ) Win-Win. Win-Win looks like this: Tara wants to go on a bar crawl with her boyfriend, Dennis. Dennis is usually the designated driver because Tara has a fear of driving. He isn’t a big fan of bars and is not sure how they’ll get home. Win-Win is if they go for two hours. Tara pays for drinks and an Uber and then they go home and watch a movie of Dennis’s choice. Even a Marvel movie.
Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood: Before you try to explain your side of the story/ problems/ situation, listen to the other person. “Seek to understand” their point of view. Make sure you are paying attention to things like body language.
Synergy: Working together as a team or group to accomplish a common goal. I don’t know about you but I personally find bonding exercises/ icebreakers very fun whether it’s the first day of college or a youth group retreat. Synergy is important in real life because in real life you will have group assignments all the time both in college and in the working world. And you will need synergy to accomplish them successfully. Or at least without killing each other.
Sharpen the Saw: This is my favorite habit. It means renewal of each of your components: body, mind, spirit, and heart.
· Body: Take care of your body by getting plenty of sleep, eating healthy and exercising regularly. Now I do almost none of this but I do take my meds which is important for any person with OCD or bipolar (both chemical illnesses). If I start losing sleep, I know that is a sign I am becoming manic. I try eating healthy and exercising to lose the weight all the meds made me gain (and to have energy, which is rare) but I’m still overweight and it’s disheartening.
· Heart: Speaking of heart, this part of “sharpen the saw” refers to your relationships with others. I’m in the middle of the book The Good Life in which they talk about how relationships are the greatest determining factor of happiness. I’m constantly seeking socialization. It baffles my parents who are both introverts. But I have a checklist of people to make plans with because I just love going to the bar or a coffee shop for a quick catch up. Of course, it’s all about quality over quantity. 2,000 Facebook friends alone won’t make you happy.
· Spirit: Spirit deals with our relationship with God, and our relationship within ourselves. My relationship with God is complicated (I’m also pretty complicated). I don’t really go to church but there are other ways of connecting with nature or a higher power (like taking photographs, reading inspirational literature or listening to music).
· Mind: Reading (especially if you are learning and it’s not just the trashy romance novels you sneak out of the library), studying (in college I sometimes felt like that’s all I did. Just kidding. The beer bottles say otherwise), and writing. Writing is the thing I do most. I wake up, write a few pages, go for a walk, write some more, eat lunch, write more, eat dinner, and write more. I have several different WIPS (works in progress). The only time I deviate from my schedule are for friend dates, date dates, reading, walks, collaging, and other hobbies. Basically (with the help of this book) I try to have a well-balanced life.
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