6 Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make by Sean Covey
Another book! I do enjoy a good read. This is another book by Sean Covey, son of Stephen R. Covey who created the concept of the 7 Habits (https://www.leighwintersstoryofhope.com/post/7-habits-review). This is a book mostly aimed at teens but everyone can evaluate the decisions they have made (or are making) in these six key areas:
· School: Will I finish high school or will I drop out? One of the biggest predictors of poverty is dropping out of high school (or even worse, having a kid before you finish high school). I’m not trying to shame anyone; I’m just citing statistics as Sean does. I always knew I was going to college but I think it shocked my entire family when I didn’t finish (I dropped out early junior year after taking medical leave). My immediate family was very supportive because they knew I was dealing with very serious mental illnesses. I replaced school (I was studying to be a social worker) with a full time career as a writer that I take very seriously. In fact, just today I found out that an anthology I was published in is nominated for a National Book Award. So, I think I’m doing okay. Bear in mind, I finished high school.
· Friendship: What kind friends will you have? Will you give into peer pressure? Will you have a clique? Early in high school I hung around with “the wrong crowd”. My mom likes to joke that everyone who gets into trouble says they were hanging out with the “wrong crowd”. When I switched schools, I got new friends, but I still drank and smoked pot (more about that later). It was only once I got to college that I found the best of friends who accepted me for who I am. People like Jake, Alice, Victoria and Derrick came to my rescue again and again. These people were particularly selfless. And we were one of the most accepting “squads” on campus.
· Parents: Will you have a good relationship with your parents even through your tumultuous teen years? I am lucky to have some of the best parents on Earth. They have kept me alive even through some very harrowing situations. When I turned fourteen, I tended to butt heads with them over what I wore, who I hung out with and where I went. Needless to say, my parents were not fond of me loitering behind Shoprite and in front of 7-11 (which earned me the title “ice box kid”). I really resented them for a while. Even now when I become manic, I can get extra irritable and they tend to take the brunt of it which really isn’t fair to them. They take care of me and make sure I get my medication and give me rides even though I’m an adult. I also need to give a shout out to Derrick’s parents, Debbie and Dave because they treat me like I’m their own daughter.
· Dating/Sex: Will I wait to have sex? Will I stay in a healthy (not abusive) relationship? I’m not going to focus too much on my sex life here because I have family that reads this but I’m just advocating waiting until you are really ready. Like maybe eighteen years old or married. Because sex is a really big deal. I was sexually assaulted at age fourteen and that is entirely too young for a child to be exposed to something like that. Maybe because I was exposed to something so big so young, I participated in several unhealthy relationships. Two were with older drug dealers who were verbally abusive and coercive. But on the flip side, I’ve been privileged to meet some wonderful men. Currently I am in a relationship with an amazing man. We’ve been together a year and we are really serious about each other. I’ll leave it at that because I don’t want to jinx it.
· Drinking/Drugs: Will I fall into a habit of excessive partying and drinking? Will I develop an addiction to drugs? I have talked at length about my struggles with alcohol. Luckily I never experimented with “harder” drugs (though I did smoke weed on several occasion). I’m not wild about pot to be honest (and I know that will make me unpopular), because I know that with certain psychological disorders it can lead to psychosis. And I think trying anything harder than a hallucinogen is just plain suicide, especially heroin. We have an epidemic in our hands right now in America and I’m not being sensational.
· Self-Esteem: Will I have a positive view of myself, or will I tear myself down? Sean Covey argues that the self-esteem is comprised of competence (our achievements, accomplishments, even our physical condition) and character (our morality, faith and service to others). Up until age ten, I had a pretty good sense of self-esteem. I had friends, I got very good grades and I excelled as a writer. In fact, I actually had a teacher that would read my work aloud to the class. This made me the target of bullying but I really didn’t care because I knew they were just jealous. Enter middle school. Middle school a bunch of stuff happened that knocked me down a peg. I got estranged from my best friend. My grandma died. I was diagnosed with severe OCD. And then the bullying started up again in seventh grade. When the bullying started, the cutting started. I was thirteen years old when I locked myself in the girl’s bathroom and cut myself for the first time. It only went downhill from there and it wasn’t until recent years that I was finally able to cement a solid feeling of self-esteem. Just remember, never let your worth be determined by what people think.
If you know a teen, I recommend giving them this book. The teen years are a rocky terrain, but this book is a great roadmap. And no, I’m not being paid to write that.
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